Self Esteem I

...I thought that things
Were finally going alright ;
And that work would be payed.
Instead she likes to take me to places
Just to see things and such

Then dinner. I don't want to sound ungrateful
In fact, let's say my expectations are broken...
I could have gone home
And have dinner with my "family"
She (sis) says she is
...Trying to get me out of my "vegetable" type of life.
Then I had some other things
That I had to hear and shut up...

She says it is for my own good
And that she is trying to help me ;
Is it? I hear things like :

"You're not entering in the car right ,
You're looking like a corcunda!".

"You're not walking
with your feet straight..."
(Guess what? I was born like this...)

"You're too shy
and embaraced towards people" ;

Believe me , it hurts.
Yesterday we went to the hair salon
Because she wanted to get her hair done
I was trying to be outside
But my sister turned back and told me to get in.
My self esteem lost some points
And broke into pieces.

To be honest, I miss my long hair...I really do....
There I was trying to cover that all ;
I was hours waiting and with this feeling inside of me
A knot in my throat.
I was head down, texting a friend
I wanted to cry my eyes out already.
But I couldn't,
People would notice that obviously...

Night :
Not so famous we had dinner...me and my sister.
At home the neighbors were there again.
My sis went to put my hair straight ;
It looked alright...sort of.
I will have to wait quite some time
For my hair to grow again...

As my hair was a little better than usual
So I asked her if she could take me some pics...
More criticizing regarding the color quality
She said I looked like a zombie in some...
Then that others were alright ;

She told I looked angry...upset...
I told her it was "nothing"
and I kept on listening to music.
I ended up talking with her;

She replied that she...
Was saying those things for my own good
(Really? There are other ways of saying)
And that she didn't wanted for me to made fun of
While we were the two going out (...)

Music XI

Music X

Music IX

Music VIII

I love this song +.+!

Letter I

To be honest, I don't know exactly where to start,
Just know that, do not forget...
If I could hug you right now, believe me that I would.
I see how you fear your life failing at something or falling appart

It is a very hard thing for me to write now
It is even more difficult for me to see your suffering.
Well, lets drop the negativity right now...
I know you're broken. I know you're scared and troubled.

The same way you always helped me
Since we started talking on hi5,
A year ago (4-Aug-2009).
I want to help you as supporting you
And make you turn back from what you want to do...

We are meant to get up when we fall
And not stay on the ground.

You have been my best friend for over a year already
We went through a lot, better than anyone you know I suppose.

Are you willing to go and waste your life away?
Leaving all the friends and loved ones behind?

If you will come across this post on your own, good
Otherwise I am considering on showing it to you
Be aware that whatever situation
Or situations making you feel hurt

Are TEMPORARY.
Life is likely to change!
Learn to wait, my best friend
Because when you least expect,
Things can and will get better!

(Yes I am aware that
I might be repeating myself
But it is for you to remember
For your own good)

If it is the Past, drop it
And start building your own future
Stop dwelling, let the ghosts be.

That pain will be over soon, but not the way you want
It seems a attractive choice at times , doesn't it ?
Even to me... and LOOK,
See where I stand now

Because you pulled me back
And made me think
So think if needed.

Read if too, if you want
Or better,
I would apreciate if you read this....

Take care
And stay strong! (>, ")>

Music VII

I found this video amazing...
The way the sea, the waves wash away those words...



They are more about rock
Still they assumed themselves as Christians I believe



At last (but not least)
This one song from this band...
They are Christian (metalcore genre) band
Whoa...

Death or Afterlife

So my question is ...

What do you imagine
Death to be?
Just eternal sleep
Being someone who can watch other people as a spirit?
Afterlife ? Heaven or H?

I am Christian yes.
Again, I respect other beliefs and so.
However the Heaven and Hell part
Are too much mentioned and people say they exist
Without actually some visiting it.
If we go to the logycal part of religion
Then who knows? Are we to believe
Without raising any curious questions?
By that, no offence okay...

Do you think there should be
A place for someone to be blessed for Eternity?
Or another for punishment and suffering?

Isn't our life composed with those both parts?
If so, how come when we die we go to only one place?
If we have and do GOOD and BAD actions
REMARKABLE actions and SINS ?
I believe there should or will be a place
Shaped with what we have done...
Not fully good or perfect...
Not fully evil or punishing...

As for another life?
Why would that even be?
I'ld be happy with One Life well spent. (L)

Path to Happiness

This is my question to you today...
What makes you happy?
Complete or furfilled?
What is the secret of happiness...

Answer :

Complete it yourself.
The answer might be there right away
Or not. It takes time
But when it arrives, it will make sense.
Trust me :)

p.s.: It is somewhat related
To some post I've put
Do not be suspicious about the name
For more info check Depression - Coping
It has sugestions on activities to do
And few websites. Have a nice day :P

Depression - Coping

A : I already told in some posts of Life blog.
If I only or mostly write
About Depression it is because of me experiencing it
Personally I rather talk
About what I know, as my testimony and point of view
...Than to talk about what I do not know.
For support or websites on this or other disorders
Check out the pages saying
"Info and Support" and "Other Disorders"
May that be somehow helpful. :)

My sugestions!
1. Do the maximum you can to stay away
And avoid the source (or sources) of pain.
Avoid staying at home alone,
It can leave sometimes the person[s] worse

2. Text a friend or message a friend to go out.
Or go out with your family / visit a family member.
p.s. : Choose a calm/peaceful place
If you do not like or do not feel confortable
In crowded places.

If that is not your case...
Why not trying a amusement park/park, circus, zoo
Or going to a concert? :)
There might be good bands out there!

3. You can try gaming events
...Or just playing a game
There are a lot of options
And probably new games out often

4. Another suggestion is art...
Expressing yourself and letting things out
a) Writting a novel, poetry, blog,
Fanfiction, comedy, a script.

Negativity not allowed much,
Appart from that subject is free for you to
We aim for the opposite! :)

b) Going to a theatre or social group/events ;
Drawing, painting, cooking, dancing,
Reading (buying a regular book
Or ebooks...some websites have them
Check if they are free tho)
Singing, shopping, karaokes,
Going to the movie
Or getting popcorns and watching one at home

c) Doing things outside...
Camping, sports and so, like :
(paintball, football, baseball,
ping pong, volley, skatting, tenis,
martial arts, cheerleading, snooker
Going to the mall, beach or swimming pool...)

It's just thinking , searching and choosing
Either with some company or alone
It will be fun,
Believe in yoursef! :D

d) Learning how to play a instrument!

e) Learning a new language!
For example, I am trying Dutch...
Is fun and who knows? It could be useful! :D
Plus there are free lessons online
In some languages or try checking on youtube :)

It just does require some time
To find the right website or websites :)
Or even you can try to learn braile and/or gestual language
Traveling is another sugestion too
If you have time, money and the chance for it.

Useful Links :

+ Instructables
(English,
It has several things from food to jewelry...
Good ideas, it is just exploring the website ^^)

+ Wiki How
(It exist/is available in other languages
Such as spanish, german, french, italian
nederlands(dutch) , "portuguese" ,
and arabic [?} . Another on the same genre)

+ TheChangeBlog
(I've only taken a peek on the website
But seem s high sugestive
Check it if you have the chance!
I personally will, it looks cool...) :D

+ Youtube
(Just decided to put here a direct and clicable link
For you to go there if you want to check some videos)

+ Ebooks.net

+ Best ebook Websites
(English, check this link out
For more info on ebooks)

+ Crafts and Design
(English,
This one is like a green and friendly website
Has a lot of articles about diferent stuff)

+ All Poetry.com
(English,
In case you like to write poetry...
Maybe you will like this website
I will try out this one perhaps
I'll think about it first...)

+ Empiremusicco

+ UltimateSongWritting
(English.
Well these two websites
Speak about lyric writting
And such...if that is your case,
Try to explore those)

+ Avoiding Depression Relapse
(English. This website contains some articles
On sugestions to avoid a relapse/breakdown)

+ Anxiety and Depression Solutions
(English. This is a website with some sugestions
Of coping with depression and other issues;
However, nevermind the big ammount of ads!)

+ YouarethePath
(English. I never tried this, yet it seems a little like
Tapping or something. I would firmly advice you
In case you're interested, to check it
Out of curiosity, without going into
/getting involved in any payments or so)

+ Tapping.com
(English. I never tried this to be honest
So I don't exactly know if this works 100% or not
But the website wil stay here in any case
For you to try it
There are videos and a account on youtube
About it. It is called the EFT .
(Emotional Freedom Technique)
Anyways , good luck :) )

+ Learning Meditation

Note : If I find more websites I will post!
I hope they are helpful for you... :)
p.s.: Sorry for any typos
I am not english nor american.