Flirting

As you may check in some posts
(Old Fashioned I,II and III)
You can see parcially my point of view.

Again, I can say it :
I am not totally against flirting,
I did it like only once I think....
It's not my style much,
If you read with enough attention.

I am not into temporary much things.
And I have some self respect
So I won't lower my level.
I will not and you won't see me exposing my body
Or intimacy with someone
I do not know or do not have feelings for.
Simply : That's not me.

However, there are persons who flirt
I do not like nor want that in my side
I hate the winkings and almost fake compliments
With second intencions.
If I do not reply with any enthusiasm
Then all it is said
If you cross the limits I will block and delete.
Point done.

Learning to Forgive?

Well... before I write my thoughts on the matter
I want to leave you a question
It is personal at the same time I must add...

If someone hurt you
And you hurt year after year...
Would you be able to put things behind your back
And forgive ?

...My point of View now :
We personally aren't forced to forgive
But I'm not a person of "revenges" and "paybacks"
So I kept it a little inside of me.
I still dwell around this.
I don't say for you to take all the pain out from you
All at once, but slowly starting to forgive

I know it is hard, still until today
I am recovering from self esteem issues
Due to bullying.

I did not cut fully the contact
I had with those classmates
Many went through separate ways
Which is helpful for my recovery
Talking/writing it out is helpful as well
I won't be able to get rid of problems that formed in years
In few sessions/appointments.
I'm trying to get help whenever and wherever I can
I advice you to do the same and to reach for friends
In case anything happens someone will catch you
And hear you.

I am trying to forgive
My religion teaches to forgive
And love. So I'm taking my steps for so.
With due time and support I will do this.
And I believe in you to do the same

p.s.: Any doubt envolving, God , religion and such
Search here :) -
www.gotquestions.org

Old Fashioned III

As for the relatioships topic...
What she was warning about...
Yes, I can get hurt and heartbroken.
Hurt and used? Possible too, everything is possible
I mean, people can be unpredictable ;

I am old fashioned because I don't want someone
To have fun or a "night stand" with (I have self respect)
I don't go much for flirting either.

Finally...
What I search is for someone with
(I don't say much similar "old fashioned" thinking as I have)
But with good intencions.
I bet no one aims to get hurt (or hurt someone)
But to be happy

Because barriers?
That can gone and over with.
But happiness?

Impossibilities?
They only start and trouble you
And get the best out of you
Once you start believing in
What or who is trying to push you away
From what you want...
Then it is doomed.
Because what you wanted
Was replaced by what others want and tell you!

Finally...
What I search or wait for.
That is why I want to
If possible is to spend and share
My Life with someone
Someone I can share good times
And troubled times with.
My fears and who actually knows me.
Someone I don't have to fake a smile to ;

(Some cute images that I found
Related or not...)

Old Fashioned II

- I haven't had sex
While I was a early teen.
I focused on my studies instead.
There are times for one thing,
Then for anothers too, later.

(I'm not criticizing who did it and such)
I just set some priorities in my life
And that one wasn't amongst them.
I am aware of consequences of it,
Like pregnancy for example
I think people are growing up
Too fast on that... (just my opinion)

- I carry no regrets of the choices I made
And others have the right to choose
Whatever they want to do in their Lives...

- And another things...
Like smoking and drink
I am not against people who drink socially
Nor the ones who drink moderate
In a responsible way in order not to hurt others
Or themselves.
I am only against from the moment people
End up ruining their own lives and others
Out of smoking, drinking and addictions.

- Finally and back to the subject
I am old fashioned, and let me be.
I let know I'm not joking 24/ 7
I let know that I seek for something decent
And good out of my own life.
I say out to whoever knows me
What I want out of my life...
The relationships thoughts I'll leave in another post...

Old Fashioned I

Situation :
Once I was with my sister,
It was a rather "interesting" conversation
As it left me thinking and wondering.

And trust me,
Some convos can be interesting.

She told me even if ...
...I managed to have a relationship with someone
That I wouldn't be/last over two years
With the person (How optimistic... = Irony)

Even handling with the distance,
Which it would be something hard to add.
Then she gave me an example of
Someone who thought about the "forever"
And ended up heartbroken (yes you read right).
So she doesn't believe in any of those
She called me something like "old fashioned"
Because well, today things are rather diferent...

From the other generations,
So be it. I'ld rather have this "old mind" then
It hasn't failed me...

- I haven't grown faster in some aspects of my life
Just in one or two things because I was forced to.
Because I knew if I kept acting as caring as I did
I'ld be trash.

A Letter to Whoever reads...

I might not be fully aware
Of your problems or of your suffering
However I am honest on what I'm writting
And on what I want out of this blog.

Do not ever fear sending a message
Or asking for support.
Asking for help is NOT a weakness.
If you recognize a issue, it is already a step
To recovery.
And no one has the right on judging you on that.

People are there to help
You whetever you choose any of the contacts
I left in the contact page

Or if you decide it is time
To reach out for someone...
I probably do not know everyone
Or any of the persons that see this blog
One rule and what I as for is to be polite.

But one thing I am sure...
For some reason you stepped in here.
You do not want to end your life,
You just want a change...

I know...
You want to be seen
You want to be heard
You want to be appreciated
You want too, a chance to improve.
As someone told me, your time is NOW!

It is your life, your chance.
Your life, the only one we have (that we know of)
p.s.: Only change if necessary,
Not because others tell you to.

And change isn't "getting to something worse"
It can be improving yourself,
As someone dear to me once told me.
So , and finishing this letter
I wish you good luck ! (L)
Keep up the positive thinking :P

(About my writing...
No negative thoughts are allowed in this blog
Except if in certain subjects
Because they have the function
Of making people aware
And to make people learn = lessons
Again, this has no purpose on being triggering
Just a helping blog
Therefore I want to make people feel good while reading)

I wish you good luck
In your life projects and goals.
Thank you for taking the time to read
And too, for some people to be here for me.

Life

A Letter to Depression

[Part 1]
24/ 7 you are beating me up
I don't know for how long I will hold on this
In fact I'm sick of this...

I don't want you, I never wanted you at all.
If I can handle it?
Falling...
Fading....
This frustrating life...
... ...
A year with you beside me
Has lead me to despair
I don't want it anymore.
I want a cure.... ....
Something to hold me here.
Once and for all.

[Part 2]
I have no energy . No inspiration
It was stolen and taken away...
I know and I miss that smile that I held so easily
I am aware of it. So I ask...what happened?
Is it so foggy ? Why can't reach it...?

What do you want more?
What do you ask for?

Some friends have come and gone
It's not just myself.
But the only thing that is left
You'll never have as long as I keep holding on

....My Life.
I'm sorry but
You won't have it
Nor I'll take it from myself
Without a fight.

Being Used

(For more information check the bullying posts)

We at least once in Life experience
This type of episodes.
I did through out school.

Again, I am ready to talk about this...
Some I remembered on my own
Others my memory recovered along the way
For this I am refering to highschool years.

I was the typical average student
By that I had some school subjects that were dificult
And others that were rather easy and where I felt confortable...
Now, I might have mentioned this....
I would only got asked for help in those subjects where I was better at
On the worst ones they wouldn't do much anything for me
In fact I was left out. Smart ...

From homework, to comparing works
To helping with vocabulary, writing
Even in tests (english) they would ask me for help !
I was less times helped than the times I would help them.
I helped many going through some school subjects.

But I knew I was often being used too...
And that feeling, pardon me to say, it SUCKS.
My rewards? Temporary compliment a little thanks.
But then the situation would be the same...
This in my point of view...

I could have been caught and get through consequences
Now that I think of it, I will ask you :

"Is that...
Worth it?"

I was still sort of a loner and unpopular...
Whenever I helped or not.

Another point :
If I wasn't helping them, they'ld be all mad
And would talk/comment about me.
Badly? Yes.

Even if I wasn't that okay....
Few would help me (1 or 2 out of 20!)
And today someone reached me for help
(In fact two persons)

However, I am not forced to help someone
Specially when that certain person
Only contacted me to help her with a work
By that sending her MY final work.

You may think what you want but it is not fair
Reminding that that certain person
Threatened me and used me in the past.

Then you may say..."Forgive".
Yes I am Christian but I'm no saint.
I am not forced to go through similar situations.
I can but I am not forced to forgive
And it was a lot of damage
...So it will take its time to go away
And to be fully forgiven, not forgotten.

Music VI

Recovery I

I did not make this blog in vain…
I did not make this blog
without reasons or purpose.
I’m not talking as the person
Who tells to “snap out” of it
I’m talking as the person who has it.

My opinion on possible recovery for depression
Don't go 100% for meds.
Unless it is really serious.

(Which in my case I am starting
To believe it is mild and
I can try and do this)

Seek a psychologist for a start
Or phone numbers
(More about it check the page called Info and Support
I will activate the links soon :) )

Therefore I would like to ask you something:
Do not answer here (or answer only if you want)
What is distressing you?
What is the source of the pain?

I once saw this video…it had wise words
It was basically,
What is hurting and bothering you,
Cut it from the root OR speak it out.
I know. I know…extreme.

A point…
- If a friend is hurting you, if someone is bothering you
Why you are even waste your time talking with him/her?

- If someone online is insulting you...
Block, delete. Close or change account if necessary.

- If someone is tormenting you on the phone…
Delete the messages, report it or change number
But please do not let it build inside of you.
Focus on what is trying to make you feel better
On things you did/still enjoy or try finding new hobbies.

Search for new friends;
Do not forget
The good, true old friends

You can do it.
Organizations and social group places
Or even a good hobby can be a fresh start.
It can open doors and allow you to meet people.

Meeting people can be good and healthy ;
I mentioned about it
On my post Beyond Reason I.
I joined a church group.
I’ve been welcomed there like I never was before
And before I was a loner,
I was a what people call outcast.
I am not ashamed of saying this.
I want YOU to know this example.

Because if I do and will beat this, you will too.
I know cases of people who beat this and are ALIVE
And believe me that they (as I am) are glad to be alive.
You will get through this! :P

Besides the fact that I know if I fall,
I won’t stand alone.
I will get up, I have support.
Someone will try and catch me.

God if you want to put religion on this as well.
And you?
You will have people
And you are mostly welcome
To read this blog anytime. (L)