Old Fashioned I

Situation :
Once I was with my sister,
It was a rather "interesting" conversation
As it left me thinking and wondering.

And trust me,
Some convos can be interesting.

She told me even if ...
...I managed to have a relationship with someone
That I wouldn't be/last over two years
With the person (How optimistic... = Irony)

Even handling with the distance,
Which it would be something hard to add.
Then she gave me an example of
Someone who thought about the "forever"
And ended up heartbroken (yes you read right).
So she doesn't believe in any of those
She called me something like "old fashioned"
Because well, today things are rather diferent...

From the other generations,
So be it. I'ld rather have this "old mind" then
It hasn't failed me...

- I haven't grown faster in some aspects of my life
Just in one or two things because I was forced to.
Because I knew if I kept acting as caring as I did
I'ld be trash.

A Letter to Whoever reads...

I might not be fully aware
Of your problems or of your suffering
However I am honest on what I'm writting
And on what I want out of this blog.

Do not ever fear sending a message
Or asking for support.
Asking for help is NOT a weakness.
If you recognize a issue, it is already a step
To recovery.
And no one has the right on judging you on that.

People are there to help
You whetever you choose any of the contacts
I left in the contact page

Or if you decide it is time
To reach out for someone...
I probably do not know everyone
Or any of the persons that see this blog
One rule and what I as for is to be polite.

But one thing I am sure...
For some reason you stepped in here.
You do not want to end your life,
You just want a change...

I know...
You want to be seen
You want to be heard
You want to be appreciated
You want too, a chance to improve.
As someone told me, your time is NOW!

It is your life, your chance.
Your life, the only one we have (that we know of)
p.s.: Only change if necessary,
Not because others tell you to.

And change isn't "getting to something worse"
It can be improving yourself,
As someone dear to me once told me.
So , and finishing this letter
I wish you good luck ! (L)
Keep up the positive thinking :P

(About my writing...
No negative thoughts are allowed in this blog
Except if in certain subjects
Because they have the function
Of making people aware
And to make people learn = lessons
Again, this has no purpose on being triggering
Just a helping blog
Therefore I want to make people feel good while reading)

I wish you good luck
In your life projects and goals.
Thank you for taking the time to read
And too, for some people to be here for me.

Life

A Letter to Depression

[Part 1]
24/ 7 you are beating me up
I don't know for how long I will hold on this
In fact I'm sick of this...

I don't want you, I never wanted you at all.
If I can handle it?
Falling...
Fading....
This frustrating life...
... ...
A year with you beside me
Has lead me to despair
I don't want it anymore.
I want a cure.... ....
Something to hold me here.
Once and for all.

[Part 2]
I have no energy . No inspiration
It was stolen and taken away...
I know and I miss that smile that I held so easily
I am aware of it. So I ask...what happened?
Is it so foggy ? Why can't reach it...?

What do you want more?
What do you ask for?

Some friends have come and gone
It's not just myself.
But the only thing that is left
You'll never have as long as I keep holding on

....My Life.
I'm sorry but
You won't have it
Nor I'll take it from myself
Without a fight.

Being Used

(For more information check the bullying posts)

We at least once in Life experience
This type of episodes.
I did through out school.

Again, I am ready to talk about this...
Some I remembered on my own
Others my memory recovered along the way
For this I am refering to highschool years.

I was the typical average student
By that I had some school subjects that were dificult
And others that were rather easy and where I felt confortable...
Now, I might have mentioned this....
I would only got asked for help in those subjects where I was better at
On the worst ones they wouldn't do much anything for me
In fact I was left out. Smart ...

From homework, to comparing works
To helping with vocabulary, writing
Even in tests (english) they would ask me for help !
I was less times helped than the times I would help them.
I helped many going through some school subjects.

But I knew I was often being used too...
And that feeling, pardon me to say, it SUCKS.
My rewards? Temporary compliment a little thanks.
But then the situation would be the same...
This in my point of view...

I could have been caught and get through consequences
Now that I think of it, I will ask you :

"Is that...
Worth it?"

I was still sort of a loner and unpopular...
Whenever I helped or not.

Another point :
If I wasn't helping them, they'ld be all mad
And would talk/comment about me.
Badly? Yes.

Even if I wasn't that okay....
Few would help me (1 or 2 out of 20!)
And today someone reached me for help
(In fact two persons)

However, I am not forced to help someone
Specially when that certain person
Only contacted me to help her with a work
By that sending her MY final work.

You may think what you want but it is not fair
Reminding that that certain person
Threatened me and used me in the past.

Then you may say..."Forgive".
Yes I am Christian but I'm no saint.
I am not forced to go through similar situations.
I can but I am not forced to forgive
And it was a lot of damage
...So it will take its time to go away
And to be fully forgiven, not forgotten.

Music VI

Recovery I

I did not make this blog in vain…
I did not make this blog
without reasons or purpose.
I’m not talking as the person
Who tells to “snap out” of it
I’m talking as the person who has it.

My opinion on possible recovery for depression
Don't go 100% for meds.
Unless it is really serious.

(Which in my case I am starting
To believe it is mild and
I can try and do this)

Seek a psychologist for a start
Or phone numbers
(More about it check the page called Info and Support
I will activate the links soon :) )

Therefore I would like to ask you something:
Do not answer here (or answer only if you want)
What is distressing you?
What is the source of the pain?

I once saw this video…it had wise words
It was basically,
What is hurting and bothering you,
Cut it from the root OR speak it out.
I know. I know…extreme.

A point…
- If a friend is hurting you, if someone is bothering you
Why you are even waste your time talking with him/her?

- If someone online is insulting you...
Block, delete. Close or change account if necessary.

- If someone is tormenting you on the phone…
Delete the messages, report it or change number
But please do not let it build inside of you.
Focus on what is trying to make you feel better
On things you did/still enjoy or try finding new hobbies.

Search for new friends;
Do not forget
The good, true old friends

You can do it.
Organizations and social group places
Or even a good hobby can be a fresh start.
It can open doors and allow you to meet people.

Meeting people can be good and healthy ;
I mentioned about it
On my post Beyond Reason I.
I joined a church group.
I’ve been welcomed there like I never was before
And before I was a loner,
I was a what people call outcast.
I am not ashamed of saying this.
I want YOU to know this example.

Because if I do and will beat this, you will too.
I know cases of people who beat this and are ALIVE
And believe me that they (as I am) are glad to be alive.
You will get through this! :P

Besides the fact that I know if I fall,
I won’t stand alone.
I will get up, I have support.
Someone will try and catch me.

God if you want to put religion on this as well.
And you?
You will have people
And you are mostly welcome
To read this blog anytime. (L)

Depression and Attempts

Don't let your memories
Break you...
...Stay with me

To whoever is considering anything,
Don't do it!

Take this advice and take time to read this :
Probably because if it fails
It'll leave you in a worst shape
(Depending on the method too)

Than what you were before.
You will regret it.
People's reactions
And attitudes will change towards you.
Trust might be really, deeply affected.

(For more info read "Depression and Suicide"
To know my point of view about it)

Life is too precious to be wasted
And thrown away.
Hold on day by day.
I am speaking as someone
Who thought in detail about these things
Such as death. I didn't want to be sad anymore,

I wanted to die.
(Or was I too anxious for the pain to end?
Ask yourself)

I thought, method by method.
I planned...without anyone knowing.
So I searched…and searched…
And bam! Wake up call.

Flash news : They are all painful,
There isn't a painless suicide ;
Because for death to occur, there is needed
PAIN...enough to make vital or important organs
To fail and shut down.
Enough for the defenses the body has...
To break.

Don't go for the illusion that they aren't!
Don't go for the illusion that people don't care
Because they DO!

And you don't need to put yourself
In delicate situations
You don't need to bleed...
You don't need to be hospitalized.

Or go through near death experiences for that.
If you have the chance,
Listen to "Hold On" by Good Charlotte.
My bestie dedicated this song to me...
Thank you, you rock! (L)
Music does speak indeed....

It takes more guts to keep on living
...A sh*tty life in your eyes.
Than to end it. Your parents, your family members
Your siblings (if that’s your case) will suffer.
With every cut, with every try,
With every scratch
Or self inflicted burns on your skin.

You’re like a piece that cannot be replaced .
You’re one of a kind .

DO NOT destroy yourself.
So drop the razors, drop the knives, pills...
Throw them or give them away
To make sure you won’t use them
In those times go out.
Seek help. Somewhere.

Music IV

A special song for a special person
Singing cover by me,
Original song by Red called Pieces



This song is A.m.a.z.i.n.g.!
It says a lot... (L)



I don't think they're Christian
But this is a cool song from them (L)



This one too...
Fell in love with this song xD
Listen closely :,)



"Don't look down
Don't look back
I am beside you (...)
We will find a way to erase the past
Stay with me
In my arms you'll be fine
I'll never let go"

Music V

Beyond Reason II

I felt like I could talk and open up,
I got to know more and new people.
And amongst the people
...I found my best friend !

Who was happy to see me.
She smiled and we hugged eachother.
I met another person, then.
We talked. She took me to the bathroom.

There stood a mirror on the wall...
Another chalenge...
She said I had to convince myself
That I was pretty
(I have and had problems with self esteem and such)
So she told me to look at the mirror, closely.

She said :
"There I see a beautiful girl!
A girl who is capable of things
A girl with a purpose
And whose life is going to get better
I know it!
And you have to believe in it
(Along other things...)"

She said then to say that
"I was thankful to God for being that beautiful"
And I got shy... until I said it.
She told me to do that every day.
They say they want to help me
Without asking anything much in return
Or anything at all.

They added that I will have a purpose.
I will be sucessful in Life
That I must believe in Him (...)
I felt a little better afterwards.

Just know that I am trying to pick up
The pieces of my Life...
Not to fear a possible Future
And not to be SO afraid of Loving someone
Or even of being Loved...
The reason that has been blocking me...
From loving someone
Is a big nearly unexplainable fear

...Beyond perhaps reason itself.
I can't be defeated.
I can't allow this to take the best of me.
I can't give up and put things to waste.

It was a good experience
I intend on going there more often
They are expecting me to appear more too...
Tomorrow perhaps.

In the end me and my best friend left
We talked more and then
Went through separate ways
I will go there tomorrow again. (L)