Recovery I

I did not make this blog in vain…
I did not make this blog
without reasons or purpose.
I’m not talking as the person
Who tells to “snap out” of it
I’m talking as the person who has it.

My opinion on possible recovery for depression
Don't go 100% for meds.
Unless it is really serious.

(Which in my case I am starting
To believe it is mild and
I can try and do this)

Seek a psychologist for a start
Or phone numbers
(More about it check the page called Info and Support
I will activate the links soon :) )

Therefore I would like to ask you something:
Do not answer here (or answer only if you want)
What is distressing you?
What is the source of the pain?

I once saw this video…it had wise words
It was basically,
What is hurting and bothering you,
Cut it from the root OR speak it out.
I know. I know…extreme.

A point…
- If a friend is hurting you, if someone is bothering you
Why you are even waste your time talking with him/her?

- If someone online is insulting you...
Block, delete. Close or change account if necessary.

- If someone is tormenting you on the phone…
Delete the messages, report it or change number
But please do not let it build inside of you.
Focus on what is trying to make you feel better
On things you did/still enjoy or try finding new hobbies.

Search for new friends;
Do not forget
The good, true old friends

You can do it.
Organizations and social group places
Or even a good hobby can be a fresh start.
It can open doors and allow you to meet people.

Meeting people can be good and healthy ;
I mentioned about it
On my post Beyond Reason I.
I joined a church group.
I’ve been welcomed there like I never was before
And before I was a loner,
I was a what people call outcast.
I am not ashamed of saying this.
I want YOU to know this example.

Because if I do and will beat this, you will too.
I know cases of people who beat this and are ALIVE
And believe me that they (as I am) are glad to be alive.
You will get through this! :P

Besides the fact that I know if I fall,
I won’t stand alone.
I will get up, I have support.
Someone will try and catch me.

God if you want to put religion on this as well.
And you?
You will have people
And you are mostly welcome
To read this blog anytime. (L)

Depression and Attempts

Don't let your memories
Break you...
...Stay with me

To whoever is considering anything,
Don't do it!

Take this advice and take time to read this :
Probably because if it fails
It'll leave you in a worst shape
(Depending on the method too)

Than what you were before.
You will regret it.
People's reactions
And attitudes will change towards you.
Trust might be really, deeply affected.

(For more info read "Depression and Suicide"
To know my point of view about it)

Life is too precious to be wasted
And thrown away.
Hold on day by day.
I am speaking as someone
Who thought in detail about these things
Such as death. I didn't want to be sad anymore,

I wanted to die.
(Or was I too anxious for the pain to end?
Ask yourself)

I thought, method by method.
I planned...without anyone knowing.
So I searched…and searched…
And bam! Wake up call.

Flash news : They are all painful,
There isn't a painless suicide ;
Because for death to occur, there is needed
PAIN...enough to make vital or important organs
To fail and shut down.
Enough for the defenses the body has...
To break.

Don't go for the illusion that they aren't!
Don't go for the illusion that people don't care
Because they DO!

And you don't need to put yourself
In delicate situations
You don't need to bleed...
You don't need to be hospitalized.

Or go through near death experiences for that.
If you have the chance,
Listen to "Hold On" by Good Charlotte.
My bestie dedicated this song to me...
Thank you, you rock! (L)
Music does speak indeed....

It takes more guts to keep on living
...A sh*tty life in your eyes.
Than to end it. Your parents, your family members
Your siblings (if that’s your case) will suffer.
With every cut, with every try,
With every scratch
Or self inflicted burns on your skin.

You’re like a piece that cannot be replaced .
You’re one of a kind .

DO NOT destroy yourself.
So drop the razors, drop the knives, pills...
Throw them or give them away
To make sure you won’t use them
In those times go out.
Seek help. Somewhere.

Music IV

A special song for a special person
Singing cover by me,
Original song by Red called Pieces



This song is A.m.a.z.i.n.g.!
It says a lot... (L)



I don't think they're Christian
But this is a cool song from them (L)



This one too...
Fell in love with this song xD
Listen closely :,)



"Don't look down
Don't look back
I am beside you (...)
We will find a way to erase the past
Stay with me
In my arms you'll be fine
I'll never let go"

Music V

Beyond Reason II

I felt like I could talk and open up,
I got to know more and new people.
And amongst the people
...I found my best friend !

Who was happy to see me.
She smiled and we hugged eachother.
I met another person, then.
We talked. She took me to the bathroom.

There stood a mirror on the wall...
Another chalenge...
She said I had to convince myself
That I was pretty
(I have and had problems with self esteem and such)
So she told me to look at the mirror, closely.

She said :
"There I see a beautiful girl!
A girl who is capable of things
A girl with a purpose
And whose life is going to get better
I know it!
And you have to believe in it
(Along other things...)"

She said then to say that
"I was thankful to God for being that beautiful"
And I got shy... until I said it.
She told me to do that every day.
They say they want to help me
Without asking anything much in return
Or anything at all.

They added that I will have a purpose.
I will be sucessful in Life
That I must believe in Him (...)
I felt a little better afterwards.

Just know that I am trying to pick up
The pieces of my Life...
Not to fear a possible Future
And not to be SO afraid of Loving someone
Or even of being Loved...
The reason that has been blocking me...
From loving someone
Is a big nearly unexplainable fear

...Beyond perhaps reason itself.
I can't be defeated.
I can't allow this to take the best of me.
I can't give up and put things to waste.

It was a good experience
I intend on going there more often
They are expecting me to appear more too...
Tomorrow perhaps.

In the end me and my best friend left
We talked more and then
Went through separate ways
I will go there tomorrow again. (L)

Beyond Reason I

I would like to share something
Although I don't have a clue
If whoever reads this is Christian or not.
But I am one.
For some reasons, some personal...
...Others beyond reason itself.

You may think I am fool...
I do question myself why am I alive
I had quite some chances of dying.
People say I walk here for some purpose.
So I'm starting to believe as well.
I think I told previously...

Today I was to go to see this group...
I arrived late to where me
And my best friend were supposed to meet
The other time I went back home.

This time it was diferent I was there,
I wouldn't just give up
I asked people about the group
And they had no clue,

So I kept walking and kept walking...
At last I saw this temple in ways...
This building I could see people inside
And outside of the building;

I asked myself...
If that was the place
My best friend told me about...
Then the sun started to hit me in the face,
Only on that side of the road, in there, at me.

Proceeding...
I was staring a lot,
And asked myself "Is it here..."
The sun kept shining
And I was like "Maybe it is here..."

I was unsure,
I was almost leaving until this guy
Found me and asked if I would like
And if I was interested to see/know that place.

I stopped for a second or two...
I replied , looking at him:
- I don't know.

He asked me if I believed in God.
I said :
- Yes.

He tried to convince me saying
It would be nice
And that maybe I would like that place.
So I went ; I had nothing to lose.
He asked what were my troubles...
I said: " I have depression--- "

He replied:
"Your depression has ended.
It ends TODAY!, NOW!".

I was shocked...
Honestly because I have it over a year already
And someone tells me that all of a sudden....
It surprises me because I've been struggling
And trying to beat it for a long time.

I met a girl after who talked with me a while
And took me where a meeting was happening
Speeches, prayers and blessings
Where taking place too.

People were listening faithfully and closely.
First time so I was really shy...
Some people tried to bless me.
Others prayed.

Then there was a part where they were singing
And dancing, even.
It was fun and people seemed happy.
...Beyond words.

Pain vs Dreams I

I took some more time thinking...

What's stronger...
The dreams we have
Or the pain that appears?

Dreams :
- I want to (re)build my life
From ashes. By that, getting a little better
- By that meeting new places, new people
I need to breathe for a while, to know another reality.
I miss my smile terribly.
- I feel like I'll only be trully happy when my fears go away
- Being loved and apreciated.


Pain :

- But then pressure comes from nearly everywhere
What do I WANT to DO in my life or out of it
Even friends! always asking questions about it
Some just don't know how pressured i'm feeling
Some just don't know they are not supporting me that way!

- Pressure at home...because money is unfortunately
A big part in this world and it has to be present.

Then again, if you really knew me...
- You would know that I react horribly to pressure
Whether is to make choices quickly
Or things to be done fast
Or certain words...
I once held a gun in my hands
But did not had the guts to pull the trigger.

- And as most people know,
I want to get out of this country
...Some support me, others do not
They claim I will get hurt somehow
They say it is a dream.

- Then the question of "would you be capable
of leaving friend and family behind for a while?"
I said yes, for a while.
I need to be free and it will not be only for me
That I'm doing this. It'll be for him.
They have no clues about my feelings...

- The being loved and apreciated
Is something else.
I try my best to show my feelings
And do some effort
But often I feel like the same isn't reflected
I'm sorry...you might have heard this a lot...

Unforgetable Words...

I have been thinking (again)
And have a question for you...

What was/were the best words
Someone has ever told/write to you?


I'll speak from my point of view now...
Those were trully amazing *

1. When I met someone ;
He was like older than me, but he was cool.
So we talked for some time, until I had to go.

He said :
"Today I was expecting to meet a young girl, a teenager.
But instead, today I met a woman".

2. This was from someone special...
In one random day I was looking for to, you know, change my look
My hair would go down until my upper back ;
So I wanted to cut a little bit...
But things went wrong and the person cut my hair until my neck
And obviously it kinda shook me up...

So that person told me :
"Not even if you were bald
You'ld still be (or was it look?) pretty"
He is trully amazing...

3. This was from my friend LenAmurita
I wrote a truth in a app on myspace ...

Her reply :
" I'm thankful for the chance that life
had gave me to meet you,
you really are amazing,
the best,cute,sincere,honest,
friendly,truly beautiful inside and out,
you have a smile
that can ease someone's heart and soul,
I wish for one day to someone
who you truly love to recognize your soul
and your genuine smile,you're a great friend,
glad I've met you,
thanks for coming into my life,
since I've lost a friend of mine years ago,
I was sad and felt like I've lost something,
a part of me,we were very close,
it was so much fun being with her...
but due to circumstances
our friendship had been lost forever,
but you've had given that feeling once again,
the feeling of joy,friendship,
I enjoy being with you,you can count on me,
I wont ever let you alone=)
*we're unite*and together we stand*
count on me always my friend* ".


4. From a youtube user :
" Thank you for being my friend!
God bless you abundantly with overwhelming joy and love! "

5. From another youtube user :
(Acts 2:38 KJV)
" Then Peter said unto them, Repent,
and be baptized every one of you
in the name of Jesus Christ
for the remission of sins,
and ye shall receive
the gift of the Holy Ghost. "

6. I had a lot of support from some youtubers
Which I have apreciated a lot ;
Mostly were christians...*

7. From another fellow christian
And a good friend

" Thank you Silvy
You are such a very sweet
and lovely young lady
with so much to give the world.
Your beauty is not only on the outside
but on the inside as well.
I am so happy to know you.
You are very special.
I know Jesus has plans for you!!
You are so smart, sweet,
and lovely I feel you have a bright future ahead.
I love you! Hugs and much love, kathy ".

8. From a christian and priest
" I hate to hear that but I am praying for you.
We are still going through a storm,
Jesus is taken us by the hand and bringing us to the other side.
On 9/13/10 are oldest girl went home to Jesus.
But, I am blessed and highly favored thanks to Jesus.
I might not always look or feel like it,
but I have Jesus
I know everything is going to be ok.
He loves you the same way you are his.
Seek GOD, keep praying, read his word,
and he well see you through this.
May Jesus shower blessings on you
and all those that you love.
GOD bless you Sister.
Love your Brother David ".

9. A good friend from church (Obr.Catarina)
Told me :
"Os problemas os fracos são as pedras
do caminho dos fortes"

Have a great day, you're a wonderful person
And thank you (L) ! :,)
May our paths cross again.
Take care and God bless you**

Music III

Music II

This one bring me old yet happy memories..



This one I heard in a friend's profile
To be honest, some of these songs weren't exactly my "type"
But they're amazing, so I decided to share once more