Relationships - Moving On

There comes a time when loving isn't enough alone
Argues occur...diferences become overwhelming
Too much to handle...and it comes to an End.

That end is really hard to handle
At least for me. I can't lie,
I got involved in the promises
I thought he was the one....
I got attached and fell in love with that boy.
For two years...

No matter if the words were truth or lies
No matter if the vows and promises
Weren't meant to last forever.
Mine were... Grieve struck me.

I realize that crying won't make him come back
Or turn back on his decision.
I learned that in Life, nothing is certain
I am hurt, I recognize and shown my pain in so many ways
In both positive and negative ways...
I can't say I'm fully recovered

As I must face it...he has a place in my heart
Regardless of what happened between us
Regardless of the distance in between
Regardless of the countless argues.

But I just can't...
I must let go
Because holding tight to your memory
Hearing songs and seing your pictures
Will only make my feelings of sadness and misery worse.
Would be triggers... AND I can't...

I cannot bow and let myself get this affected
I cannot allow to get hurt this way and deeply
I must shield myself...and start moving on

And songs like this...
Help me along the way.
Therefore I'm leaving these videos
For you to take a listen.
I hope it can be as helpful as it was for me.

God bless...and take care...

SI Awareness - TWLOHA

*TRIGGER WARNING*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVQTSQmLHSA
(The music , however, says it all

"You're not alone,
There is more to this I know
...You will live to tell"

And these songs below, bring me inner peace :)





From Life.

A Closer look at ED's - ANA and MIA

I reflected a bit about this subject
And I thought carefully before posting anything
Again, all the content belongs to their rightful owners

Videos :

*Trigger warning*
Due to the images you are likely about to see.
Why did I posted here?
As I stated above and much across the blog
Awareness purposes ONLY.

+ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOyqpKXJBXw


+ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWPJlVPqAFc
(One of the hardest clips I saw)


++ http://www.youtube.com/user/annehn#p/u/3/8NNy_1tTCOY
(PART 1)

++ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVcShgy-9OI
(PART 2)


+ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVT_XEc3_y4

+ http://www.youtube.com/user/WhyNotStopSuffering
(A Channel which purpose is RECOVERY)

+ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAaF2bfXsxs
(I saw this video today...has some lessons in it)

More...
++ http://goodbyed.tumblr.com/
(I checked out this blog a bit
and I found it interesting)

NOTE! : There is nothing beautiful nor glamorous in this
It can all start with a diet or with some pills
And it can all slip away and get out of hand.
I am sure that many girls are struggling with this
Others are recovering.

OR even considering.
That is why the sharing on the videos too...
I shall write more about this, certainly.

Depression - A Closer Look at....

Depression isn't always seen as a serious mental illness,
That's what it makes it so dangerous.
But it has some signs
Which people could pay attention to, such as :

- Withdrawal, isolation from others,
- Loss of Interest in activities previously enjoyed,
- Loss or Weight gain
- Self Harm

Pay attention to any case of
- Loss of loved ones / Breakup
- Eating Disorders
- Bullying, violence
- Self Harm (besides cutting, others too)
- Changes in personality, grades,
Relationships or atitude towards others.
- Certain expressions regarding death/disapearing, ect.
- Diferent patterns of sleeping
(less OR more sleeping than usual, insomnia)
- Suicide attempts OR letters

I believe I already wrote some articles and texts regarding so
Yet, it is not too much to talk about it.
How do I know? I have depression myself.
Depression IS way MORE than being sad.
It is NOT being dramatic. It is NOT being sad 24/7 on purpose.

I was a happy person in the past.
That is a fact.

This can happen to anyone even to someone who you can least expect
Not only the person with a diferent style
OR the person almost without friends.
Even the person who seemed...happy or funny
Some can even be suffering in silence.

Who knows? Maybe the popular person, crowded with friends...
AND some only gather all the pieces of the puzzle
When it's too late. It can affect ANYONE
Regardless of beauty, gender, country.

Since 2008 it was given to me this warning.
I studied about this and got informed
And after those situations...
Did I became one of them? NO! it isn't always the way.
I gained the capacity to understand MORE others
To be TOLERANT. I used so, to HELP other people.

NOTE : Some cases or signs can go on unnoticed
That is why I'm writing this.
It is never too much.
School years CAN be tough.

That's why the support
and awareness on family members is NECESSARY.
And I made it through it with barely having support.
Believe me, IT IS less painful
IF that caring atitude and support exists!

So, if people start thinking a bit more about others
IF people start being more receptive to diferences
IT can definately MAKE A DIFERENCE (L)

And believe me :
There aren't just statistics although
numbers speak for themselves in a worldwide scale.
Many deaths...those personal tragedies CAN be avoided.
It starts in you, me, in each one of US. (L)

Many blessings,

Depression and Meds

Another point of view.
In my opinion I do not aprove meds much
Usually the organism gets used to the doses.
For some it does work well AND it might be necessary,
On this i'm speaking about...Antidepressants.

I had contact and took for some weeks one called Prozac
Called Fluoxetine over here in PT.
I experienced some side effects such as weight loss,
dry mouth and several headaches.

Some might not agree on this article
But I, speaking as a person who is struggling with depression
Since 2007/2008... I'ld rather go for more natural
Or possible healthier ways of treatment.

p.s.: I'm not rejecting all meds or Prozac in particular
I'm just giving my own opinion.
Yet, do take care of yourself and check which is the best way for you
As some meds can be effective for x and not for y...
Or even harmful for z.

I'm writting as someone who cares for others
And too, wants to take care of herself.
I hope you find your path soon ;
Some lights are around the blog

AND Remember :

Stay strong ! :)
Many blessings,

Life.

Depression - Testimony

I don't wish this even to my worst enemy

Because it torments you, it destroys
It makes you think dark and horribly.
Like you're sinking...

It kills. Worst thing is,
When it kills it is mostly by your own hands
But not on your own thoughts or will.

Like one friend said to me :
[...] A parasite meant to bring pain and suffering
By plaging your thoughts and ruin relationships
Because you think you are so alone...
You start thinking you're worthless....
That no one cares. A vicious cycle.

And you might just have it all
Be good looking
And having a good/healthy weight.
Friends, a partner/other half,
A successful or at least honest career
A loving or at least caring family...

[...] It is hard even to write this
I had forbidden myself from such negativity
As it isn't personally healthy for myself
But I want to raise some awareness on this.

We have to stay strong
Even when thoughts
(Or as others have voices...)
Tell us otherwise.

We are strong enough by going this far already
By opening up. By sharing.
By accepting help...which I took a year to accept.
By taking a step to get treated.

He told me...we are fighters
For we have daily chalenges.
So and finishing... whoever in this situation
Know you're not alone nor that
you aren't the only one with such troubles.
We are together in this...

Depression - Awareness

As I searched for videos for awareness of self injury
I decided to search for some...in this case for depression.
...Scary in my opinion.
Weird, sad voice...
No more words to describe it...
See it for yourself.



Types of Depression :
- Bipolar ;
- Dystimia ;
- Major Depression ;
- Maniac Depression ;

Self Injury - Awareness

Some times words can be VERY effective
I watched both myself
And they contain no trigering images.



This one is a message for whoever needs it.
I personally liked it, I am not sure if I posted before
But there you go ! :)



This one I couldn't put the video
So, I'll leave link to the video...
There just click : Self Harm Awareness

Before any judgement is made,
We have to learn to separate things
And actually KNOWING them.

Helping out someone

I've been thinking about this a long it
It actually when I think TOO hard
It kinda makes me angry.
...I do trip and fall often.
Rainy weather now and then
The heels? Or the slippery floor?
Or is it me? Whatever.

Let's say I almost fell from all the stairs in the subway
They are around 10, maybe more than that...
Luckily (according to circunstances)
I slipped and fell from 4 steps.
I hurt my leg slightly along.
It got better in the afternoon.

Again it is NOT my point the fact that I fell
My point is about the ammount of people
That were behind me and in front of me
And NO ONE (yes none of them) said anything
Or has done anything.

I "condemn" other atitudes like...
Whenever someone has an accident
Or whenever there is a fight

People gather around in a circle or a little crowd
And spread rumors, comments ect. regarding it
But when someone asks for witnesses
They all vanish.

Come on, is that hard to help people out??
Whether they are young or old
Or just in trouble or hurt.
...Are people THAT selfish?

Do people just mind their own business?
Maybe both , maybe only one.
I'm not only speaking of my experience
But on others too.

Self Injury - Cover Scars?

I'ld like to give my opinion on the matter.
Although I will work further
On the Social and Society section/page
Because I do like to give my opinion[s] on subjects
And I kinda enjoy being updated on stuff.

This one...
As I previously said *or not*
Since 2008 and late 2009
And parts of 2010...
I was a self injurer (or as most call, a cutter)
Although there are other ways of s.h.

According to this...
That happened I tried to cover the cuts up

By wearing these :
p.s.: Most images are online
All the rights belong to their owners.

- ...Multiple



Then with few of these too...



- Never had or wore these...
(Animal or mostly known as silly bands)
Although I know several teens use them nowadays
And were or are a "trend"
They were never attractive to me or anything.



This one is interesting...
It's made with pins and beads.
Then something to put them together



There is this video on a red bracelet
Made of those for self harm awareness.
When I have the time AND when I find the video
I shall post it here. Along with a tutorial
If I find it as well.

Note : It belongs to its rightful owners
NOT me. I am only sharing.

- Rarely these two...
(Which are both rubber bracellets)





And I wore this one...

- Wristband.
They cover the wrist only as the name says.
*I will post the image when I get home*

- Pandora Bracelets.
I absolutely am fascinated by these
They are soo pretty
But I do not know if they are expensive
OR not.





Note :
As an alternative...
...You can make your own jewelry.
Good luck ! :D

As for more on covering up...

- Armwarmers
Some go for this option
Whether for fashion/own style,
Casually or for covering up their cuts or scars
Some can be purchased at stores
Others make them out of socks *true*
If they do have the skill for it.





(It varies according to your country)
But most likely you can purchase it
At stores like claires, hot topic,...
Depending on the style.

Alternative style?
Most likely on online, local stores
Hot Topic and Claires.

Others styles?
Try out known stores...
For example Forever 21, Accesorize,
Pimkie, Biju Briggite, Zara, BSK...
OR even online.

- Gloves
There are a lot of gloves around!
Which can be...

- Gloves w/ fingers
These are pretty casual.
And they can cover for short periods of time
The hands and just a bit of the wrist.



- Fingerless gloves








- Lace Gloves





p.s. I loved this one! OMG :o



- Fishnet gloves







- Knitted gloves / armwarmers
You can either buy them already
OR make them yourself.
Depending on your patience, skills and/or money.







- Others...

Make up?
I NEVER personally done this but on some videos
Some people cover their scars
By using foundations or concealers
Around the already scar

To hide/cover it up
I don't think that has a very effective result
Plus it is make up anyways...

Sleeves / Legs ?
You can consider wearing sleeves around the winter/autumn time
Well BEFORE summer and the heat actually starts
Otherwise not only people might find it odd
But you might have some hard times
So it is adviced to wear armwarmers
And such as I pointed out above.

As for the legs it is a troubled story
In case you're a boy in the meantime you can consider
Wearing jeans and few times shorts;

But if you are a girl...
You can either use jeans
Or choose between :

Collants OR leggings...
They are good options too.
As for the leggings there are some that kinda
Imitate jeans and aren't THAT warm
So they are wearable.

At the pool OR beach
You can try for a while to wear a *pareo.

Self Injury - Cover Scars?

I'ld like to give my opinion on the matter.
Although I will work further
On the Social and Society section/page
Because I do like to give my opinion[s] on subjects
And I kinda enjoy being updated on stuff.

This one...
As I previously said *or not*
Since 2008 and late 2009
And parts of 2010...
I was a self injurer (or as most call, a cutter)
Although there are other ways of s.h.

According to this...
That happened I tried to cover the cuts up

By wearing these :
p.s.: Most images are online
All the rights belong to their owners.

- ...Multiple



Then with few of these too...



- Never had or wore these...
(Animal or mostly known as silly bands)
Although I know several teens use them nowadays
And were or are a "trend"
They were never attractive to me or anything.



This one is interesting...
It's made with pins and beads.
Then something to put them together



There is this video on a red bracelet
Made of those for self harm awareness.
When I have the time AND when I find the video
I shall post it here. Along with a tutorial
If I find it as well.

Note : It belongs to its rightful owners
NOT me. I am only sharing.

- Rarely these two...
(Which are both rubber bracellets)





And I wore this one...

- Wristband.
They cover the wrist only as the name says.
*I will post the image when I get home*

- Pandora Bracelets.
I absolutely am fascinated by these
They are soo pretty
But I do not know if they are expensive
OR not.





Note :
As an alternative...
...You can make your own jewelry.
Good luck ! :D

As for more on covering up...

- Armwarmers
Some go for this option
Whether for fashion/own style,
Casually or for covering up their cuts or scars
Some can be purchased at stores
Others make them out of socks *true*
If they do have the skill for it.





(It varies according to your country)
But most likely you can purchase it
At stores like claires, hot topic,...
Depending on the style.

Alternative style?
Most likely on online, local stores
Hot Topic and Claires.

Others styles?
Try out known stores...
For example Forever 21, Accesorize,
Pimkie, Biju Briggite, Zara, BSK...
OR even online.

- Gloves
There are a lot of gloves around!
Which can be...

- Gloves w/ fingers
These are pretty casual.
And they can cover for short periods of time
The hands and just a bit of the wrist.



- Fingerless gloves








- Lace Gloves





p.s. I loved this one! OMG :o



- Fishnet gloves







- Knitted gloves / armwarmers
You can either buy them already
OR make them yourself.
Depending on your patience, skills and/or money.







- Others...

Make up?
I NEVER personally done this but on some videos
Some people cover their scars
By using foundations or concealers
Around the already scar

To hide/cover it up
I don't think that has a very effective result
Plus it is make up anyways...

Sleeves / Legs ?
You can consider wearing sleeves around the winter/autumn time
Well BEFORE summer and the heat actually starts
Otherwise not only people might find it odd
But you might have some hard times
So it is adviced to wear armwarmers
And such as I pointed out above.

As for the legs it is a troubled story
In case you're a boy in the meantime you can consider
Wearing jeans and few times shorts;

But if you are a girl...
You can either use jeans
Or choose between :

Collants OR leggings...
They are good options too.
As for the leggings there are some that kinda
Imitate jeans and aren't THAT warm
So they are wearable.

At the pool OR beach
You can try for a while to wear a *pareo.

Befriending Someone

I decided to write this post for whoever needs it.
Anytime it can happen.
Imagine, for instance, you either :

a) Aren't much social

b) Just feel like meeting new people

c) Are *scared or shy about making (new) friends;

Note : If you did developted or had a previous
(or even have had a sequence of) bad experiences
The person is likely to be less social and
Shy towards others. I have my point of view...
And afterwards my opinion/sugestions on the matter.

Point of View :
On school I was much considered what people can call
An *outcast or a loner ;
Specially at highschool due to bullying
I started to isolate. I am confortable to speak about it now
Nearly openly to others as it is over already.

One of my great friendships started because I was reading
A book! (rather boring I must add)
And she went and talked with me.
We know eachother for like
5 maybe almost 6 years now.

[...] People often did left me behind
Or labeled me. It is how it works mostly on high school
Even middle school. I know there is cruelty
There are events that can hurt or scar
But I know too that YOU ARE STRONGER than any of that
So, put that head up and high.

As for the rest of the point of view
I then made it through;
I started talking with people
Even from small to casual/simple things
You don't have to think too much
To start a conversation.

-----

My opinion and sugestions...
I will search and post some links :
A group on facebook called Friends to Friends Hotline:
+ http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=249833533215

Check this out too if you want :
+ http://www.friendshipgroup.net/
I will search for more stuff when I do have the time.

+ http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/

In the meantime my sugestions
Are to :

* Mostly search out through forums
(Chatrooms NO because some of them
Aren't trustworthy)

* Random maybe forums where you
...Do have some knowledge on
Like politics, gaming, health, artworks
Or even support forums.

* Social groups or joining a sport/activity you enjoy
For that inform yourself in school
We have SPO in here
(Serviço de Psicologia e Orientação
Translation - Orientation & Psychology Service)

* Social networks and websites like :
Facebook, Myspace, Twitter,
Hi5, Hyves, Myyearbook,
Youtube, Blogger, ect.

* Going out to events, parties
(In a moderate non-dangerous way)
Concerts, amusement parks,
Church, sport associations
A book or game that was released
Even Cosplays!

* If it becomes too much
As a fear or fobia
Try to speak to your local/regular psychologist.
It can be a start already.

Searching and reaching for help
Isn't something to be embarassed or scared of.
Focus on yourself and needs above all.
Do not forget studies in any case as well.

Something else .
It can all start with a conversation.
Believe it. Don't lose hope.
The maintaining a(-) conversation(s)
Will be going on other post
On the *Social Secction in this blog.

I can search and advice
Plus maybe post some users
Who can have experience
And/Or have further sugestions on the matter too.
Hope this was helpful and good luck!

Depression : Updates

I decided to give further steps
About my depression
So I'm going to share here.
My psychologist put up the possibility
Of me having PTS (Pos traumatic stress)
Which explains the big worries, anxiety
And memory failures.

Combined with depression
I do not know if I can hold this up for long.
I'm holding on for the day when this ends.
I have dreams...That is what I'm holding onto now.
Like my friend Miguel said : River of dreams.

Depression : Events and Updates

I haven't wrote in here for some time
Working. Working. As for depression...
It still keeps building and kicking in.
So I decided to reach for help again

I have a new psychologist
Who I will meet next month.
Wish me luck...
It is (at least for me) to rewind "my life"
To someone new...who I've met in that exact time.
Each step must be not be taken lightly
And each step must be treasured by others.

I've decided to come back...
There aren't anymore excuses.
I now am in conditions to proceed what I was doing before.
I'm not in a psychiatrist yet.
Why? (you might be wondering)

She said I'm too young to take pills - she thinks so.
But if they consider it WILL get better that way
They will notify me...I'ld be the first to know.
More exams will be done as well

As my psychologist believes my depression
has a role/influence in my memory (Psychological)
So as the head trauma (Physical..check "Wake up Call I,II)
Which does make me unconfortable...
Specially while I'm working or doing something
Is when my memory fails and my mind deceives me
Very oftenly.

Example : I forget what I'm talking about
I forget where I place keys,objects...
AND that makes me anxious, doubting AND stressed.
I've stopped writting due to lack of inspiration.

Other / Condition :
I've lost weight which some people have noticed
Even myself. I've stopped cutting ;
So far I haven't got anything
To lead me to a relapse.
So that IS good news.
BUT I feel very unstable inside.
I feel unhappy.

Negative : Not even a glimpse of happiness
Not even a real smile. Nothing.
Come on! I have reasons to smile...

Positive : I have a job .
SI hasn't been in my thoughts...
I have someone by my side
Who does his best to support me.
From my friends few have been here...
I thank them a lot, many blesses to them.

Suicide - Warning Signs

With searching and knowing too,
- Giving away possessions

- Mentioning death or suicide in any way
(speaking, writing)

- Having destructive behaviors
(for example self harm, bullying others)

- Preparing a will or suicide letter

- Sudden change in behavior

Note : Mental/Health disorders can lead more to suicide
Than people with normal condition....

Depression - Coping

A : I already told in some posts of Life blog.
If I only or mostly write
About Depression it is because of me experiencing it
Personally I rather talk
About what I know, as my testimony and point of view
...Than to talk about what I do not know.
For support or websites on this or other disorders
Check out the pages saying
"Info and Support" and "Other Disorders"
May that be somehow helpful. :)

My sugestions!
1. Do the maximum you can to stay away
And avoid the source (or sources) of pain.
Avoid staying at home alone,
It can leave sometimes the person[s] worse

2. Text a friend or message a friend to go out.
Or go out with your family / visit a family member.
p.s. : Choose a calm/peaceful place
If you do not like or do not feel confortable
In crowded places.

If that is not your case...
Why not trying a amusement park/park, circus, zoo
Or going to a concert? :)
There might be good bands out there!

3. You can try gaming events
...Or just playing a game
There are a lot of options
And probably new games out often

4. Another suggestion is art...
Expressing yourself and letting things out
a) Writting a novel, poetry, blog,
Fanfiction, comedy, a script.

Negativity not allowed much,
Appart from that subject is free for you to
We aim for the opposite! :)

b) Going to a theatre or social group/events ;
Drawing, painting, cooking, dancing,
Reading (buying a regular book
Or ebooks...some websites have them
Check if they are free tho)
Singing, shopping, karaokes,
Going to the movie
Or getting popcorns and watching one at home

c) Doing things outside...
Camping, sports and so, like :
(paintball, football, baseball,
ping pong, volley, skatting, tenis,
martial arts, cheerleading, snooker
Going to the mall, beach or swimming pool...)

It's just thinking , searching and choosing
Either with some company or alone
It will be fun,
Believe in yoursef! :D

d) Learning how to play a instrument!

e) Learning a new language!
For example, I am trying Dutch...
Is fun and who knows? It could be useful! :D
Plus there are free lessons online
In some languages or try checking on youtube :)

It just does require some time
To find the right website or websites :)
Or even you can try to learn braile and/or gestual language
Traveling is another sugestion too
If you have time, money and the chance for it.

Useful Links :

+ Instructables
(English,
It has several things from food to jewelry...
Good ideas, it is just exploring the website ^^)

+ Wiki How
(It exist/is available in other languages
Such as spanish, german, french, italian
nederlands(dutch) , "portuguese" ,
and arabic [?} . Another on the same genre)

+ TheChangeBlog
(I've only taken a peek on the website
But seem s high sugestive
Check it if you have the chance!
I personally will, it looks cool...) :D

+ Youtube
(Just decided to put here a direct and clicable link
For you to go there if you want to check some videos)

+ Ebooks.net

+ Best ebook Websites
(English, check this link out
For more info on ebooks)

+ Crafts and Design
(English,
This one is like a green and friendly website
Has a lot of articles about diferent stuff)

+ All Poetry.com
(English,
In case you like to write poetry...
Maybe you will like this website
I will try out this one perhaps
I'll think about it first...)

+ Empiremusicco

+ UltimateSongWritting
(English.
Well these two websites
Speak about lyric writting
And such...if that is your case,
Try to explore those)

+ Avoiding Depression Relapse
(English. This website contains some articles
On sugestions to avoid a relapse/breakdown)

+ Anxiety and Depression Solutions
(English. This is a website with some sugestions
Of coping with depression and other issues;
However, nevermind the big ammount of ads!)

+ YouarethePath
(English. I never tried this, yet it seems a little like
Tapping or something. I would firmly advice you
In case you're interested, to check it
Out of curiosity, without going into
/getting involved in any payments or so)

+ Tapping.com
(English. I never tried this to be honest
So I don't exactly know if this works 100% or not
But the website wil stay here in any case
For you to try it
There are videos and a account on youtube
About it. It is called the EFT .
(Emotional Freedom Technique)
Anyways , good luck :) )

+ Learning Meditation

Note : If I find more websites I will post!
I hope they are helpful for you... :)
p.s.: Sorry for any typos
I am not english nor american.

Depression and Suicide - Myths and Facts

Myths and Facts...

1. Myth : A person that says that is going to commit suicide is seeking for attention
Fact : That one is a old one, in any case DO something about it
Do not sit and wait for anything to happen. Take it seriously !

2. Myth : People with mental disorders are seen as crazy, etc...
Fact : I heard this one myself a couple of times,
It is not a pleasant thing to hear....
We all have troubles in life, some have mental disorders.
As disorders, problems or diseases they have to be treated or controled.
If it is a problem like any other, why SO much judging?

3. Myth : Someone who attempted suicide might not attempt again.
Fact : No, it's not always like that.
A person who attempted suicide
CAN and MIGHT attempt again
You never know.

We particularly have times
When we can be and find ourselves in a stable condition
And then have relapses,
Those triggered by something
(a event, memories) or someone.

Some relapses (also known as breakdowns)
Can be serious and lead people to think incorrectly
And act in impulse!

4. Fact : People who attempt suicide do not want to die
...They just want to end the pain they are feeling
Which is most likely to be temporary.

A Letter to Depression

[Part 1]
24/ 7 you are beating me up
I don't know for how long I will hold on this
In fact I'm sick of this...

I don't want you, I never wanted you at all.
If I can handle it?
Falling...
Fading....
This frustrating life...
... ...
A year with you beside me
Has lead me to despair
I don't want it anymore.
I want a cure.... ....
Something to hold me here.
Once and for all.

[Part 2]
I have no energy . No inspiration
It was stolen and taken away...
I know and I miss that smile that I held so easily
I am aware of it. So I ask...what happened?
Is it so foggy ? Why can't reach it...?

What do you want more?
What do you ask for?

Some friends have come and gone
It's not just myself.
But the only thing that is left
You'll never have as long as I keep holding on

....My Life.
I'm sorry but
You won't have it
Nor I'll take it from myself
Without a fight.

Depression and Attempts

Don't let your memories
Break you...
...Stay with me

To whoever is considering anything,
Don't do it!

Take this advice and take time to read this :
Probably because if it fails
It'll leave you in a worst shape
(Depending on the method too)

Than what you were before.
You will regret it.
People's reactions
And attitudes will change towards you.
Trust might be really, deeply affected.

(For more info read "Depression and Suicide"
To know my point of view about it)

Life is too precious to be wasted
And thrown away.
Hold on day by day.
I am speaking as someone
Who thought in detail about these things
Such as death. I didn't want to be sad anymore,

I wanted to die.
(Or was I too anxious for the pain to end?
Ask yourself)

I thought, method by method.
I planned...without anyone knowing.
So I searched…and searched…
And bam! Wake up call.

Flash news : They are all painful,
There isn't a painless suicide ;
Because for death to occur, there is needed
PAIN...enough to make vital or important organs
To fail and shut down.
Enough for the defenses the body has...
To break.

Don't go for the illusion that they aren't!
Don't go for the illusion that people don't care
Because they DO!

And you don't need to put yourself
In delicate situations
You don't need to bleed...
You don't need to be hospitalized.

Or go through near death experiences for that.
If you have the chance,
Listen to "Hold On" by Good Charlotte.
My bestie dedicated this song to me...
Thank you, you rock! (L)
Music does speak indeed....

It takes more guts to keep on living
...A sh*tty life in your eyes.
Than to end it. Your parents, your family members
Your siblings (if that’s your case) will suffer.
With every cut, with every try,
With every scratch
Or self inflicted burns on your skin.

You’re like a piece that cannot be replaced .
You’re one of a kind .

DO NOT destroy yourself.
So drop the razors, drop the knives, pills...
Throw them or give them away
To make sure you won’t use them
In those times go out.
Seek help. Somewhere.