domingo, 10 de outubro de 2010

Pov : Relapses

"What do you do ...
...When you become too scared
Too scared to Live
Too scared to Die
Too scared to Love
Too scared to even Care?"


Diaries , blogging became a part of me...
There I reveal what I usually do not tell to people.
I needed...I need this .
Not everything is completely perfect
Or painted in bright collors

No one is happy all the time...
Some wear masks to cover it up
As for me...

I can't hide it, it's like they read me
By looking at my eyes
Or reading me like a book.

...I needed to write out everything,
So these words are for anyone who feels like this
It's hard to spill out these type of feelings.

I hesitated long enough, but here goes;
Recognizing and facing situations
Is one step to recovery
...Right?

I wish you would know...
That I miss my smile, my true smile.
I wore it at the Summer of 09, but then I lost it
I am aware of what I've been through.
My mind is a rollercoaster.
I felt like I never recovered it fully.
It's like a wound that's trying to heal

Almost everynight this huge sadness
Appears as a unwanted guest
It makes me feel useless.
It makes me feel worthless.
It makes me feel unpretty and worse.....
It makes me feel like something is constantly wrong
Afraid of a lot of feelings and of people too.
It's in my head, it's in my mind...
My thoughts are my own enemy.

So... I want myself back!
Dot! I want to get back on my feet.
I wasn't like this. This isn't me.

...If it means being treated
In some way, somewhere, so be it.
People just don't see that
I need to do something about it...
It seems like they're blocking/stopping me from it.
I need to change something in my life.
I don't want this to go to a extreme.
It gets to the point when it exausts me!
So I definatly do not want to spend more months
Or even one more year with this.

If someone can relate,
I sincerely hope you get better
And above it, tell me.
I do not judge.
Please...
Let's fight this together.

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