quarta-feira, 13 de outubro de 2010

Pov : Depression II

" Pain...
Some just feel it,
Some get inspired,
Some fall with too much of it
Some lose and get lost
Some forgive and forget
And others use it... "

(Random thing
That I wrote in there...)

Yesterday night and today I had lets say,
Some turning point events...

* The support email person
I contacted in the past is back
And with new questions
Yes, she does a lot a questions
Regarding my future...

To be honest...
I thought she, as most of my friends, was gone.
Glad to know that I was wrong.
You might even think and ask
"If she does a lot of questions
How does she help" me?

...I believe she makes the questions
I should be asking myself
For example setting up goals and priorities
Giving reasons for my thoughts and my plans
And organizing my confused thoughts
Sometimes the questions can be/are simple...
But somehow they don't immediately
Pop in my head and mind.

* I was on youtube, in fact one of the most
...Triggering songs ever

[I have four songs
That are triggering because they
Take me to certain parts of my life.
But I shall not mention the names]

Which now hasn't got the same strong effect
As before...the feeling is familiar...
I left a comment in there.
Again I wasn't waiting
For much of an answer...

But I had it from the user who posted the video
p.s.: A video posted 3 years ago ;
Then for my surprise
He answered in portuguese
When I asked in english.

Then the wise words
" Yet, that in some cases of depression
You could get much better without really correcting
The sorce of the pain...
But by reflecting, inside analisis
And the construction of the "self"
Saying that medication can speed up
And facilitate the process of recovery
But that that much strength and will was needed
For such ".

Having the right support...
Can make me go through this?
Because I didn't like to go much for meds...
They could indeed speed up the process
But then there is the risk
Of minor to noticeable...side effects.

* Some of my friends from myspace are back
Like one who was gone for months
And some other friends.

* As for my irl friends, my best friend and I
Have been contacting eachother
And I'm considering visit her again...
I'll try to go to the daycare soon as well ;
I feel slightly better when I go there
Because I feel they like me.
You might not understand at first
But to be honest the smiles on their faces...
The joy it's worth it. It's worth t going there.
Because I get some of that joy,
Not even if it is for some minutes or hours.

In the meantime
I got to start planning my life
Someone who I care about,
Someone I called my bestie too,
"Illusive", so you already know who you are...
You will know, you're helping me as well.
...Obrigada !

** Even because it might be confusing
All the upwards and downwards and breakdowns
That I do have.
So and for many more reasons
I sincerely apreciate the support. (L)
God bless.

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