sexta-feira, 22 de outubro de 2010

Pain vs Dreams I

I took some more time thinking...

What's stronger...
The dreams we have
Or the pain that appears?


Dreams :
- I want to (re)build my life
From ashes. By that, getting a little better
- By that meeting new places, new people
I need to breathe for a while, to know another reality.
I miss my smile terribly.
- I feel like I'll only be trully happy when my fears go away
- Being loved and apreciated.


Pain :

- But then pressure comes from nearly everywhere
What do I WANT to DO in my life or out of it
Even friends! always asking questions about it
Some just don't know how pressured i'm feeling
Some just don't know they are not supporting me that way!

- Pressure at home...because money is unfortunately
A big part in this world and it has to be present.

Then again, if you really knew me...
- You would know that I react horribly to pressure
Whether is to make choices quickly
Or things to be done fast
Or certain words...
I once held a gun in my hands
But did not had the guts to pull the trigger.


- And as most people know,
I want to get out of this country
...Some support me, others do not
They claim I will get hurt somehow
They say it is a dream.

- Then the question of "would you be capable
of leaving friend and family behind for a while?"
I said yes, for a while.
I need to be free and it will not be only for me
That I'm doing this. It'll be for him.
They have no clues about my feelings...

- The being loved and apreciated
Is something else.
I try my best to show my feelings
And do some effort
But often I feel like the same isn't reflected
I'm sorry...you might have heard this a lot...

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